Rimmer's Afterlife
by Janine1
Summary: This takes place right after the last eposode. Rimmer dies. Read it, its funny!


Rimmer's Afterlife  
  
Janine Morris  
  
PG  
  
The story takes place right after Rimmer kicks the Grim Reaper in the (you know where) I think we all can imagine Rimmer's personal hell, but I had to write this anyway! ENJOY!!!! This story doesn't go with any of my other episodes I have wrote, so keep that in mind if you ever read them.  
  
yeah yeah yeah, most of the characters belong to grant Naylor and all that stuff.  
  
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"Only the good die young" Rimmer reminded the Grim Reaper as he ran off, still alive. He ran down the flaming corridors, jumping over flames, looking all over for his fellow crew mates.  
  
"Damn" Mumbled the Grim Reaper. He disappeared into thin air, knowing he would be back very soon.  
  
Rimmer wasn't in very good shape, so he soon got tired of jumping over flames. He almost wished he was dead. He began to pant, and had to sit down. The flames around him began to grow. Rimmer realized he was by the vending machine that he had stolen the fudgey nut bar from. Rimmer reached into his pocket and grasped a coin. he was starving. He put enough money for the Fudgey nut bar, and another snack.  
  
"Well its about time! Sheesh, some people!" The vending Machine rolled its fake, red lighted eyes.  
  
Rimmer pressed the button for a bowl of chicken soup. When it came out of the machine, he began to eat. He looked around, it looked like the flames were getting much smaller, maybe he was safe after all. He put a spoon of Chicken soup up to his lips, he didn't even bother to look at it. He opened his mouth and ate the soup, he didn't bother to chew, Soup was soft and mushy. Rimmer began to choke, he realized that he was choking on a huge chunk of hardened soup, he had forgotten to fix the chicken soup machine! Damn! His face began to turn purple, and soon, he fainted. he laid alive on the floor for another three minutes until his eyes opened. He was no longer choking, he saw the figure of the grim Reaper "Oh alright, you win." Rimmer shouted.  
  
Rimmer got up and took his hand and began to follow him. They both disappeared into thin air. Rimmer felt very light. His body was floating. Finally, The Grim Reaper opened a door, Rimmer had no idea where they were. It looked like a huge waiting room inside. Most of the people looked very old, but some young. Rimmer looked around and saw Lister and Kochanski sitting on one of the benches.  
  
"Hey Rimmer man, I was wondering when you would get here!" Shouted Lister.  
  
"Where the Hell are we?" asked Rimmer.  
  
"Its a waiting room. They call us up one by one and sentence us to either a punishment or a reward for eternity." Explained Kochanski.  
  
Rimmer began to bang his head against the wall, only to find it was soft and puffy.  
  
A small creature looking half like an elderly man, and half angel was walking around passing out small cards. He walked over to Rimmer and handed one to him.  
  
Rimmer was laying on the floor, wondering if he could kill himself up here. He knew he was going to be punished. He wasn't a good person. He wished he had a Beer. He looked at the paper in his hands. It was titled "ARNOLD JUDAS RIMMER'S FORMER LIVES" right under that was some very small fine print. Rimmer had to squint to read it. "every human lives 10 lives. Once each life is over, they are re incarnated into the next and born again. After all 10 lives are completed, they are given the card you are reading now" Under that were a list of Rimmer's 9 former lives.  
  
Rimmer could not believe he was right, all his life he believed he had once been a soldier, or maybe even Hitler himself! Now he would finally get to see! He began to read his lives  
  
"Life 1: Richard Blare. Born: May 3rd 1801 1:33. Died: May 3rd 1801 1:36. Info: Died three minutes after birth of suffocation.  
  
Life 2: Hoo Hoo Hwa. Born: May 3rd 1801 1:37. Died: June 30th 1801 6:22. Info: Born from a pregnant women lost in the forest. Raised by monkeys and weasels and died from being squished by a bunch of bananas falling from a tree.  
  
Life 3: Boris Wilson. Born: June 30th 1801 6:23. Died: January 6th 1890 12:44. Info: Took a vow of silence at the age of three and lived off grass and water until he died with a 12 foot long beard.  
  
Life 4: Nicholas Willard. Born: January 6th 1890 12:45. Died: December 10th 1912 13:17. Info: Ran away to become a soldier, Died the first day at target practice when he held his gun the wrong way.  
  
Life 5: Lila Ford. Born: December 10th 1912 13:18 Died: May 9th 1967 17:33. Info" Poor white trash who became a prostitute, died from Aids Virus.  
  
Life 6: Un Named. Born: May 9th 1967 17:34. died: May 9th 1967 17:35. Info: Born without Lungs.  
  
Life 7: Robert Read. Born: May 9th 1967 17:36. Died: July 17th 2060 1:03. Info: Lived a long meaningless life of crime.  
  
Life 8: Konan Weber. Born: July 17th 2060 1:04. Died: May 19th 2150 16:44 Info: Was retarded and lived in a group home.  
  
Life 9: Elizabeth Miller. Born: May 19th 2150 16:45. Died: December 3rd 2230 4:55. Info: had three children before graduating from high school and lived the rest of her life homeless.  
  
Life 10: Arnold Rimmer. Born: December 3rd 2230 4:56. Died: January 15th 3,002,237. Info: Smeg head."  
  
Before Rimmer could do anything, even think, a loud voice called his name to the front "ARNOLD JUDAS RIMMER" Rimmer's body was guided to the front, he wasn't even controlling it.  
  
The face of a young woman appeared behind the glass, she had short brown hair and lip gloss and was chewing bubble gum, She was wearing a name tag that said "Tiffany" her legs were crossed under the desk she was in, and she had been doing her nails.  
  
"Arnold Rimmer, you have been sentenced to......" suddenly, her teenage voice was transformed into the low, loud, cold, bone chilling voice of the Devil "LIVE THE REST OF YOUR AFTERLIFE IN BETTER THAN LIFE!!!!"  
  
The last thing that happened before Rimmer was gone for good was him screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" and being dragged out of the room by two buff security guards.  
  
THE END 


End file.
